I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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