We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
