Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
