I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
