Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We had to coat check the pizza.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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