Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
