You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
