My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
