so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
