that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
