just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
