either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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