Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
