Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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