dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
