drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
