Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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