I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
