definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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