dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
