i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
