I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
