I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
