I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize