I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
