Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so let's talk penis.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
