anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
