Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
4 words: hood of his car
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
