so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
