I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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