You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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