help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
