this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
