You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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