I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
