She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
