You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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