My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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