I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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