Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
