did you get engaged???
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
