Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
