i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
