I could have mohawked her pubes.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
