The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
