i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
