I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So much Jack, so little girl.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
