so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
