no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
