Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
