Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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