Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
