Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
