she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
