I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
