u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize