it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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