Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Welp...herpes.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you had me at cake vodka
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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