The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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