i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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