you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize