He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
