That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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