I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
where are you?
Hypothermia
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
