ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize