He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
