I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
