I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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